It has felt like a lot of pressure building up. I did this because I have an immense workload these days—arguably too much for me to be to accomplish--and in order to cope, I just took a deep breath and plunged in. However, five weeks into it, I am a less tolerant person who gets fired up quite readily, which is highly unusual for me particularly in professional or public situations. Worse, I am less effective. I did away with all my usual supports—quiet time, morning smoothies, water and lots of vegetables, and didn’t take any time to center, to breathe into the Source of my existence and get replenished. As a result, I get worked up and strung out, making it harder for me to connect with my intuition – a rich place of guidance, ease and wellness I have come to rely on with proven, rewarding results. So in a period of increased responsibility and more time constraints, instead of giving myself the internal support I needed, I cut myself off from what I need most!
The fact that I couldn't go on like this was reinforced in a dream with an image of a toilet overflowing and water began to burst out through a tiny hole in the handle. There was also a nurse trying to schedule me for a much needed medical treatment but I was resisting it. The next day, I began realizing I could make a lot of serious mistakes going forward if I don’t listen – including letting people down that are expecting me to deliver, including myself. So starting now, I am going to stop worrying about all the things I need to do. Instead I am returning back to my center, the source of my breath and guidance, and focus on what’s right in front of me to do here and now. Every hour. And when I am tired, I will rest. As it turns out, I can rely on my body wisdom to let me know when enough is enough.
Theme of the day: take the time to turn around the voice of deprivation in your head. Examples today came up around food. A simple example starts with "I shouldn't..." or "I can't have". Take the time to take back your power and turn that into a choice. We can do that by pivoting our attention away from what we can't have and towards what we get out of the choice. Anytime I can't control myself putting that next bite into my mouth--regardless if its healthy for me or not, I am abdicating my power to a habit that has formed between my brain and my mouth. I am more alive than that. ♥ When we turn our attention to what we are getting out of our choice, we provide some much needed breathing room for creating a new, positive feedback mechanism between that action and our selves that has more chance of getting reinforced next time. Then the choice becomes organic and we are no longer consuming energy playing out the conflict in our heads. Ah...that's simpler!